went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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