i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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