We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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