Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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