woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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