Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
wanna go halves on a baby?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
