Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
