Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
