Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
