all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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