Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
