no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
