i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My liver just had a heart attack.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
