We got so high we made milksteak
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
