I cannot find my penis.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
