Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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