Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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