I want to walk on stilts...naked
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have feelings that need drinking.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
