i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
