just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
