We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
