Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just come out here and I will go home with you...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
