I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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