Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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