dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
