I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
