Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
