so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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