the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
