the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
