She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
