Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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