im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
