i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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