HIV tests are more positive than that guy
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
