Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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