What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
