wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
