he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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