i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
