Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
