clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
