I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I got inside last night via doggy door
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
