SEEEEXXX PLEASE
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
