i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My vagina just clenched in fear
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
