toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
