Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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