Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
