so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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