It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
